Three Tips for More Enjoyable Sex in Your Marriage

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I once heard it said that Christians should have the most enjoyable sex lives out of any married couple. I fully agree with this. You’ve already got commitment on your side and you literally serve the One who invented marriage and sex.  If that hasn’t exactly been your experience, it’s time to figure out what your spouse likes (both in and out of the bedroom), make sex a priority, and make it about more than just the physical act.

Tip #1

Find out what your spouse’s sexual needs are.

Many couples have a hard time describing exactly what they would like or what turns them on. Of course, anything you choose should be something that does not go against scripture (the marriage bed is for you two – no others), but many couples can’t ask for some basic requests. Talk with your spouse about what turns you on. Describe the touches and kisses that you enjoy. Tell your spouse your favorite sexual position or how you would like sex to be initiated. Don’t demand. Just talk with one another about ways you might enhance your intimate time together. Then pick one of the things you’ve talked about and act on it! Not sure how to start this conversation? Check out our community group where we have these talks all the time!

Tip #2

Sometimes you have to write “have sex” in your day planner.

Most couples expect that sex just happens and that if it isn’t happening something is horribly wrong with them or the relationship. The truth is that couples receive a distorted picture of relational intimacy from TV and movies. According to Hollywood, couples typically have an undeniable passion that causes them to set all else aside for their intimate times together. They don’t need a lot of foreplay, they don’t need a lot of time plan, and somehow, nothing ever seems to get in the way.

But, marriage is based in reality. There are schedules to worry about, jobs, kids, endless responsibilities…

Having a passionate marriage means making your alone time a priority. Don’t wait for “just the right moment.” Make time to make love. You’ll be glad you did.

Tip #3

Good sex is about more than the mechanics.

Some couples get so worked up trying to make sure that one or both of them have an earth-shattering orgasm that they forget to really enjoy one another. They aim to please, but end up disappointed. This is partially because when you “try too hard” you can’t relax and enjoy the moment.

Keep in mind that good sex involves the whole person. It goes beyond the physical, including the mind, emotions & heart, and spirit. Scripture even tells us that the two become one. That means that good, healthy, enjoyable sex is more than a physical act. And, while understanding the basic functions of the body and the importance of foreplay comes in handy, truly enjoyable sex happens when both partners can lose themselves in one another.

Want even more tips? Check out our guide, Enhancing the Dance, for practical tips for increasing the intimacy in your marriage.

Blessings on you, your marriage, and your sex life!

Dr. J.

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  1. Kristina G says:

    Just wanted to say, love this post and love what you do in general! Your perspective is an excellent one that iadded a couple years ago to my married Christian sex arsenal (via J Parker and your Facebook group.)
    My husband and I are coming up on 6 years married (with kids almost 5, 3.5, and almost 2!) Our sex life is far from stale, in fact, it’s only improved over the course of our marriage, and you are one of several people to thank for giving great advice!

    • Hi Kristina!

      Thanks so much for saying that. I love J. Parker’s work too and have really enjoyed the times we’ve collaborated together. Congrats on almost 6 years! I pray that the two of you continue to see even more growth in your sexual intimacy. Blessings to you!

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