What was your reaction the first time you heard that there was such a thing as a Christian sex therapist? Maybe you were surprised that there’s even such a thing as Christian sex therapy or maybe you’re wondering how this is different than sex therapy in general or any other Christian marriage help that you might receive.

Personally, I found out about a certification program after enrolling in a sex therapy course at the university I was attending for my doctorate in clinical psychology. I was interested in the course for a couple of reasons. I’d experienced some sexual trauma in my past and I had already been working with a few people in our counseling department and started to see just how important it is for people to work on sexual difficulties and hurts to really feel whole in their marriage. I was basically immediately hooked and pursued my certification so that I could use my therapy office as a way to help bring healing to others.

And now, I want to let you know what you can expect if you go to a Christian sex therapist.

Let me start by saying that what you’re about to read only applies to someone that is certified as a Christian sex therapist. I can vouch for the American Board of Sex Therapists and let you know that this information is in line with the statement of faith we sign as therapists. I can only speculate what you might learn if you just pick a random sex therapist to work with. So, if you’ve wondered what it would be like to be a fly on the wall, or what exactly sex therapists do (and if one can really be a Christian), wonder no more. While this is not a complete list by any means, here are three significant things you would learn if you went to a Christian sex therapist.

#1. God Gives the Gift of Sex.

Oh yeah. We’re gonna go there. 😉

God created sex.

Sex was not some cool idea that Adam and Eve came up with one day and then God was like, “oh…so that’s what you’re going to do with your genitals? Hmmm…that isn’t really what I was thinking when I made you two.”

Now, I’m not saying in any way that sex was God’s main purpose for your genitals, but He clearly made sex to be enjoyed. (By the way, if you’re not enjoying sex with your spouse, that is certainly one of the things that a sex therapist can help with). If we weren’t supposed to enjoy sex, God wouldn’t have given us this incredible thing known as an orgasm (again…something a sex therapist can help you to achieve in your marriage if that hasn’t happened yet).

A sex therapist will help you get rid of any messages of shame surrounding sex and can help you go from simply believing that sex in marriage is a gift from God to actually experiencing it. But, you don’t have to actually go to therapy for this. You can also check out my program, Becoming One, to get help in exactly this area.

#2. If You’re Using Porn, We’re Going to Have a Talk About Why You Shouldn’t.

A Christian sex therapist will have no problem telling you that porn is a big no-no.

Think about it this way. If you want to improve your sexual relationship you have to make sure that you’re focusing on getting all sexual desires met only by your spouse. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that your spouse is obligated to meet all of your needs (they may not be able to), but it does mean you have an obligation not to turn to someone else for those needs to be met.

Porn is literally bringing another person into your relationship. Think about it…you’re allowing yourself to orgasm to someone else’s body. Sure, you may not know that person’s name and you’re not likely to run into them when you’re filling your car up with gas, but that person is 100% real (minus any air-brushing, complimenting lighting, and angles that make them look cellulite-free).

Your marriage will NEVER get better and you won’t improve your emotional connection with your spouse when you add a third party. Sex is to be between the two of you and only after marriage. A sex therapist’s office is a safe place where we’ll teach you about setting boundaries both in and outside of your marriage. If pornography has been a part of your marriage or your intimacy, you really can get freedom from that.

#3. A Christian Sex Therapist Will Help You Give Appropriate Weight to Sex.

The problem with our sex-saturated culture is that it causes us to forget that God has a standard for our sexuality. Your body belongs to your spouse and your spouse’s belongs to you. That means that everyone else out there belongs to somebody else.

Sex is holy, which simply means “set apart.” When you look at someone else’s naked body who you’re not married to, you have just denied the truth that sex is set apart as an activity between married couples.

But, don’t forget point one. God loves sex in its rightful place and you really should delight in your spouse’s body. If you go to sex therapy, you’re going learn how to avoid acting out on sinful desires (sex outside of marriage), while fully embracing the beautiful and awesome experience that sex within marriage provides.

You’ll also learn how to give appropriate weight to sex. This means that you won’t under-emphasize how important sex is for the Christian marriage nor will you over-emphasize sex in your marriage. By the way, some couples that struggle with overcoming different levels of desire are in that struggle because one over-emphasizes sex while the other under-emphasizes sex.

*Bonus!!! Here’s a fourth thing you’d learn!*

#4. You’ll Learn That God Restores the Sexually Broken.

Most of us have some sort of brokenness when it comes to our sexuality. That brokenness may stem from negative messages about sex that you’re still trying to rid yourself from, to sexual trauma or affair recovery, to infertility struggles or miscarriage, and to sexual difficulties like problems with orgasm, sexual pain, or erectile issues.

None of that is off the table when you work with a sex therapist. We’re trained to verbally walk you through the necessary steps so you and your spouse can work together as a couple to restore any brokenness that exists.

We’re also more than happy to pray God’s healing touch over your life, your marriage, and your sexual intimacy. We know that we serve the God who created all of our parts and knit us together in our mother’s womb and we love to help you understand how much he cares about all aspects of your life.

Looking for a Christian Sex Therapist?

Maybe all of this has made you decide that it’s time to see a Christian sex therapist. If so, I’d encourage you to head on over to the American Board of Sex Therapists to find a therapist near you. Please note that there are currently less than 200 certified Christian sex therapists in practice. Since I know that this makes it difficult to begin services, I offer two different options that could be helpful to you: my membership community and my premium program. If you’d like to work together, your first step will be to consider both of these options and determine which might be the best fit.

As always, my prayer for you is that you experience all the joy and wonder that sex should be in your marriage!

Blessings on you, your marriage, and your sex life,

Dr. J.